Being a Woman is HARD Work!Lakota getting ready for a formal party last Friday:
1. shower, shave legs, shampoo, conditioning
2. pre-gel wet hair
3. pull out all formal dresses and matching shoes and try them all on then dig into the back of the closet to see if you missed anything really cool because you remember buying a black beaded fringe top that might be better than anything thrown across the bed
4. pick final four choices and try them all on again to make sure with the shoes
5. pick out lingerie that matches the cut of the dress and thigh highs... silk or lace? silk...no lace... no silk...
6. try on final choice one more time to make sure and then set it to the side
7. lotion body
8. paint fingernails and toenails in color that offsets the black outfit just right - not too pink, not slut red for a formal event
9. wait for it to dry and check emails, trying not to smudge the polish
10. dig thru five tons of makeup to find the right shades of lipstick, eyeliner, eyeshadow, blush, foundation and mascara to match the outfit.
11. apply makeup
12. blowdry and style hair using ozone destroying amounts of spray to hold it in place
13. put on the lingerie
14. pull on the stockings
15. rip the stockings
16. find a new pair and put those on
17. look at the clock and realize you're running behind but that's okay because you can NOT show up early
18. carefully pull on the formal skirt and beaded top and slip on the black heels
19. check it out in the mirror and realize it's what you wore two parties ago
20. panick and pull clothes off and grab the nearest ballgown and put it on
21. check it out in the mirror...ohhh - that looks pretty damn good, turning around and peering at ass in mirror to make sure it doesn't look bigger than it should
22. grab clutch purse and throw in lipstick, keys, power, drivers license and cash
23. almost twist ankle racing to the door (who invented heels by the way?)
24. hop into the car and drive ten miles over the speed limit hoping there aren't any police waiting to grab you because now you're going to be unfashionably late.
25. stroll into the party look calm and not like you just expended ridiculous amounts of energy and effort
:D
16 comments:
well, typically that does come with being a "woman." :P
Ev'rybody knows
That Baby's got new clothes
But lately I see her ribbons and her bows
Have fallen from her curls.
She takes just like a woman, yes, she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl.
i just couldn't resist.
jackie getting ready to go out...squint in mirrow and decide that no amout of makeup is going to help, but apply eyebrow pencil, mascara, a touch of blush so they won't think I'm already dead, and lipstick.
Pick out the least offensive tshirt you own, yeah,the one that says MAKE 7 (on the front)
and UP YOURS (on the back)that'll work..
squeese fat ass into some jeans, put on my lime green baby phats and tada, I'm ready to rock and roll.
I have to admit, this takes about 13 minutes. But when I was 25...no fucking way..hahaha
that sounds like pretty much what I do.... lets see
shit
shower
shave
grab closest jeans and shirt
put that on
grab hat by the door
go
Being a woman is only hard work if you work at making it hard work, and I see that you do.
I don't waste five minutes on women that make it hard for me to get along with them, but that is just me.
It means that I'm not getting any, but neither are they.
I'll show you some hard work. No wait, scratch that. I'm working something hard looking at your photo.
Are any of you monkeys getting any nookie? With another body of course. I know that you all whack off a lot.
I have developed the perfect way to avoid all that work. Ignore all party invitations and avoid going clubbing and such. I don't own a suit. I have one dark sweater and a pair of black pants for formal situations. It's known as my funeral outfit.
Jeans and t-shirts and tennis shoes are my uniform of choice. I haven't been in a bar since 1992 and don't miss them. Spending time with a bunch of people in monkey suits and slinky gowns seems like a lot of trouble to get laid and I don't have any use for networking. Makes for nice step by step pictures of the preparations though.
I just put on a clean t-shirt and be done with it. Oh wait, you said formal? Okay, then a sports jacket over the t-shirt.
Me getting ready for the party i'm going to tonight:
1. Expell a turd.
2. Have shower.
3. Go not naked.
Also, don't worry about BBC. He'll be dead soon ;)
Shit like this is why I'm antisocial.
My XBox doesn't care that I'm naked.
And that was on your own. Imagine if I had been there. You would have had to stop every five minutes and bat my hands away and say not now, Paul. And then three minutes later I would have been back oh oh oh just one tiny kiss,
In prehistoric time I picked-up a really blow-your curtains girl at a party and when we where going to chair our fluids she said:
"No dont touch my hair, you're spoiling my hairstyle"
Well, I spoiled her..
Oh, I'm sure the boys appreciate all your efforts! ;)
but so, so worth it, with pics like that! thanks for sharing, princess...
can I help with #7 and #15 the next time?
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